An Ode to a Strawberry

I'm totally kidding. I would never put anyone through that.

Should have weighed the kids...!

The most commonly used joke made by those who visit a berry farm with children is that we should have weighed their children before letting them out into the field. This way, when they return with their berries to be weighed, we would know exactly how much to charge them regarding the inevitable consumption of berries by their small children. I will admit the concept is relatively amusing, but not after hearing it over a hundred times. Also, customers have come up with multiple ways of making this incredibly witty joke.

"Shoulda weighed the kids before we started pickin'!"

"You should keep a scale in the field!"

"I don't know how that berry juice got on their face"

"The kids could do your job if they didn't eat them right after picking them!"

I'm hoping that the laughing strawberry is the only one laughing at these.

Speaking of booze...

The first lady lesson I learned after being newly single! Girls do not like it if you flirt/hook up with them and do not remember it the next day. This leaves a big OOPS on your plate and sometimes some flirty eyes from a girl that you just simply do not understand the root of. So, if you are approached by a girl the day following a night of partying and she seems to believe/know that you two canoodled the night before....

Here's what NOT to do:
Announce immediately that you do not remember anything about the night before. A) this will hurt her feelings B) this could really piss her off, especially if it was something she was really into, and C) it gives her all of the power in deciding what actually happened if you claim ignorance.

Act awkwardly and ignore her. Do I really need to go into why this is a stupid thing to do?

Ask a million questions in detail regarding the previous acts of the night before. Doing this is a bit annoying and may offend her. Also, it risks losing your appearance of confidence which is highly important and will be written about later. Oh, and don't apologize repeatedly either.

Don't deny it. Seriously, if you don't remember, then it probably happened.

Here's some options of things you could do:

Play along! Most girls don't actually want to rehash a hook up or flirty conversation, so an all-knowing nod or friendly hello could save you both some embarrassment.

Ask friends who may have seen you or talked to you after for some info. Or, if maybe you will have lucked out and poured your entire night to a best friend who can recap you in the morning. I highly recommend this option if you can pull your drunk self together enough to do this.


Now, to every great rule there is usually an acceptable exception. If you are aware that your actions would rather be kept secret by the girl involved, then absolutely play up your not remembering. The gift of memory loss could save you both some trouble.

Moral: Drink responsibly? And if you don't, at least try to have a responsible memory.



Disclaimer: I am absolutely not claiming to know everything about women or the correct path to take in every situation. What I write is meant to be amusing and reflects what I have learned throughout my personal experiences and in some cases, mistakes.

Summer Drink

No, this is not a cooking blog, BUT impressing girls/getting them drunk is important. Just kidding about the getting them drunk part, hopefully after reading the posts to come you will not need social lubricant in the form of alcohol! And, most girls like pink. Yes I'm generalizing, but it's only because we have been socially constructed to associate the color with the safety and charm of femininity?

The drink recipe to follow is the perfect drink for summer: easy, fast, cheap, and pretty. Ironically, this is similar to the recipe for a perfect summer girl. (Ha?)

Let's call this a Fizzy Grapefruit

Start off with ice in a tall glass
1-2 shots of Svedka Citron vodka (Do I get product placement points here?)
Pour in Fresca leaving a bit of room at the top
Fill the rest up with Ruby Red Grapefruit juice and stir
TA-DA!

The amount of Fresca to grapefruit juice changes the taste and also the color. Personally, I enjoy more than a splash of the grapefruit juice giving the drink a fuller taste and a richer color, but the light pinkness of only a little grapefruit is also very nice.

Enjoy!

Lesson 1: Berries and Rain

While many may assume that the concept of a snow day ends for most in high school (especially those attending Smith College where there is a remarkable pride in never having snow days), throughout a summer of berry farming one may experience a handful of rain days. To all students spending their summers inside an office or grocery store: Be jealous. There have been many a morning where somewhere between 7 and 7:45 AM the phone will ring and it will be my wonderful boss telling me not to bother coming in, it will be too wet and rainy all day. Ahhhhhh. Cue big happy yawn and the climb back into bed.

However, the lesson here lies not in the awesomeness of working on a berry farm, but in the differences between berries that cause the inability to work on some rainy days. You see, strawberries are the only berry that my boss will allow to be picked if it is rainy or if the leaves are wet. As long as there is no lightning (or thunder, in which case we advise customers to "pick at their own risk"), customers are allowed to get drenched in order to fill their baskets with our beautiful berries.

Blueberries and raspberries are a completely different story. Because disease spreads across these plants if they are picked while the leaves are wet, customers and workers are not allowed to touch them unless they are completely dry. Our blueberry plants are generally damp in the morning from dew but dry out with sun by 10 o'clock. Raspberries, however, are a much thicker plant and their fields are not hit with as much direct sun. If there is rain in the morning or later in the day, it is possible that they will stay wet and therefore unpickable for the majority or entirety of a day. This is when the phone call would be made.

The moral: Strawberry season means getting wet. Because customers can pick if they so choose, we must be there to direct and pick if the weather clears up to a drizzle. No chance of a rainy day morning phone call.

Well, here we go

First off, I will state that I am highly amused by my creative design of this blog. Yes, it is supposed to remind you of a strawberry. Yes, this was highly genius. Second, this space will be used to record lessons about two of the sweetest things life has to offer: girls and berries. The concept is, of course, inspired by my adventures in the world of women and my work as a berry farmer. Get excited, it's going to be awesome.