Drinking Game Methodology

Hello and welcome to one of my favorite subjects! One that I have practiced and like to enforce whenever possible on a Friday night. Today we will be discussing my methodology behind the ordering and practice of drinking games in order to best pre-game going out in a fun, and productive (getting drunk) way!

So, it's after dinner, you're in that awkward lag time between 6:30 and 8:00 where you aren't quite sure what to do. Well, I don't really know what to tell you unless you're up for starting a little early. The only problem here is that sometimes when people start drinking at 6:30, they are asleep by 9. And, therefore, your plans for the night are shot.

Let's say you've found a way to entertain yourself until an appropriate time to start drinking. You and your friends have gathered to start getting dressed and pre-gaming, but what should you play!?? Good thing we have Drinking Game Methodology.

Suggested Drinking Game #1: Ride the Bus.
I hate trying to explain this game, probably because it was taught to me only when I was already intoxicated and so I did not learn how to properly teach it. Here are some instructions: http://www.mademan.com/mm/how-play-ride-bus-drinking-game.html
I suggest this game to begin with because

• It is very easy and fast to set up- you just need a deck of cards
• It can involve a lot of people in a very playful manner
• It gets you buzzed fast and, therefore, sets you up for further games where a little buzz makes a big difference in how much fun the game is

Suggested Drinking Game #2: Kings.
Everyone knows how to play Kings, at least the concept. Or, if you don't, someone you are partying with will have played before. I hope. I suggest this game second because it continues to allow you to drink in an amusing fashion, but involves a lot more social interaction in different ways. Having a little bit to drink beforehand helps the game flow and how much more willing people are to share or do things that they may not have been.

I will post my favorite rules to Kings at a later time.

Now, if you are going out, you should be in a good place after a few rounds of Ride the Bus and at least one of Kings. (Kings takes a lot longer to get through an entire game, but I would argue is much more fun.)
However, if you are NOT going out. I suggest continuing to play Kings, or to play Dirty Jenga, or some other game which involves even a little more provocative social interaction, if you get my drift? Or, if that isn't your style, Beer Pong. Of course.

And that's it for today's lesson on Drinking Game Methodology. I hope this proves helpful during the upcoming New Years celebration!

Sigh of relief

As much as finals suck, one of the best things in the world is when they are over.

Soo, today I left Smith College. I won't be back until next fall. That's intense, right? However, for those of you who have been aware of my life recently, I think you would agree that I am stepping out at just the right time. This does not mean that I won't miss it, or that I am happy with the way some things were left. There are endless people, places, feelings of Smith that I will miss. Part of me wishes I could go back and do a few things differently, say a few more things, let people know things they might not, but at the same time- I am a huge believer in fate (and destiny, Xena phase throwback?) and I'm sure everything that happened, and will happen, is for a reason.

So, peace out for now, Smith. I'll be back shortly.

And soon, Babes and Berries will be moving to Denmark...! stay posted. But until I depart, I have nothing else to do other than relax, play, and blog. Get excited.

Is green the new pale?

Tonight I went to see the new Harry Potter movie. First of all, scariest movie I have seen in a while. Seriously, how are children supposed to sit through that? Also, it wins a lot of hilarious and awkward awards, but overall, still thoroughly enjoyed it!

Now, as many of you may know about me, my favorite part of actually going to the the movies is the PREVIEWS. Nothing is better than a movie trailer! Especially ones for intense movies. The thrilling music, the fast paced harsh editing, the cliffhanger clips, it's all just awesome. I think that would be a sweet job. Making movie trailers. Or just watching them. Love it.

Anyway. Tonight, a couple of the movie trailers made me question a possible trend in our society.ARE ALIENS ARE THE NEW VAMPIRES?

There were multiple previews, one being the gem above (click picture for movie trailer), which seem to be emphasizing a trend of aliens in films to come. There was also a preview for that Tron movie, and some other one's that I'm now blanking on because all I can think about is how sad I am about Dobby.

Although the aliens were, on the most part, not necessarily being sexified like vampires have been in our society lately, I think there is still time for that. The Avatar sex was maybe just a hint into it. Maybe we're getting bored of vampires and the undead. Maybe our obsession with vampires and their powers is suggesting a boredom with our own lives and the problems within our society. Perhaps it's time to take our obsession away from immorality, sex, and vampiric powers in order to solve our social anxieties, and instead focus on... another world entirely.

Fun Vermont Facts!

Just finished my LGBT paper on Gay Comix of the early 1980s and before that had written a paper using Dorothy Smith and Foucault's theoretical methodologies to analyze Alloy Entertainment and Gossip Girl. Anyway, now I'm tired and want to go home! So, to get myself, and all of you, excited for Vermont, I've gone onto the Secretary of State website and found the Kids Page which has some fun Vermont facts...

Here we go! (I've ruled out the really boring ones)

Vermont is the largest producer of maple syrup in the U.S., producing over 500,000 gallons a year.
Duh. No other syrup is even close to being real.

Dr. H. Nelson Jackson was the first to drive an automobile across the U.S. in 1903. He was from Burlington.

That's actually really neat! I had no idea.

John Deere served his apprenticeship in VT.

People in Vermont are obsessed with John Deere.

Some philatelists credit Brattleboro with producing America's first postage stamp in 1846.

Win.

Coldest temperature recorded in VT: -47 F degrees. Hottest: 106 F.

Okay that's real cold. I wonder when that was. Brrrrr.

Vermont has nearly one half of the dairy farms in New England.

Not shocking. You can smell it.

About half the milk consumed in New England is produced in VT.

Well, this correlates nicely with the previous fact.

More people live in a rural setting in VT than in an urban setting.

This is actually really cool considering my class on suburbia. Good job, Vermont. Hold down the fort.

VT has the least amount of violent crimes out of all 50 states.

Woo-hoo!

Montpelier is the smallest state capital in the U.S.

and Vergennes is the smallest city!

Until 1996, VT was the only state without a Wal-Mart.

I'm way too proud of this.

Montpelier is the only state capital without a McDonalds.

Impressive.

Vermont-born U.S. president Calvin Coolidge was the only president to be born on the 4th of July.

So, we're a bunch of McDonald hating hippies but also very naturally patriotic.

Ben & Jerry's gives their ice cream waste to local farmers who feed it to their hogs. The hogs seem to like every flavor except Mint Oreo.

This is just so stupid and so Vermont. I also just realized I hate the word "hog."

Wasn't that fun! Happy Break!

Cannot wait...!

Blah.

Cold-Eeze!

Ever since I've been at college, I literally swear by Cold-Eeze. They come in tons of flavors: cherry, tropical fruit, strawberries and cream, honey, and more! All you have to do is pop one in your mouth and they keep you healthy! I get sick all the time, but I like to think that when I have these, I can fight away whatever is coming easier. I know this is a weird post, but I'm actually very passionate about these.

Most exciting moment of my day: I've been sick for a while (probably because I didn't have any Cold-Eeze) and I finally bought some today and immediately tweeted, "COLD-EEZE!"
After a few minutes, I got a Twitter mention...FROM COLDEEZE! They responded @babesandberries: YES? =)

OBSESSED.

2 Important Messages

From, who else, Barney Stinson!

Literal life motto




I feel as though this is an extremely important lesson to learn and master. There is only so much hot that is worth crazy. And as always, beware of crazy eyes.

Creation of 'femininity'

As told by Dorothy Smith:

"Women aren’t just the passive products of socialization; they are active; they create themselves. At the same time, their self-creation, their work, the uses of their skills, are coordinated with the market for clothes, make-up, shoes, accessories, etc., through print, film, etc. This dialectic between the active and creative subject and the organization of her activity in and by texts coordinating it with the market is captured here using the concept of a textually-mediated discourse."

So perfect considering I am using her theoretical perspectives to structure my paper on Gossip Girl.

Quick gay rant

Okay, I don't go on many feminist or gay rants, so stay with me, it's important!

I'm currently taking LGBT History, and I just really need to take some time to give credit and thanks to all of the gay men, lesbians, members of the trans community, etc. who were activists in the fight against homophobia way before I was even considering wearing a rainbow bracelet in high school. The fight against homophobia has been going on... well, for a long fucking time, but I would like to give a special shout out to the members of the butch/femme communities across the country in the forties and fifties. As a member of the lesbian community of today, I am lucky enough to attend basically the most accepting school in the country. I do not have to fight to protect my sexual identity every day or defend who I choose to love. It is not this way in many areas of our society, but things are are changing- and the past members of the community need to be recognized for risking their lives every day fighting to defend who they loved and wanted to sleep with. I don't have to do this! I mean, kind of, but only in a girl drama kind of way.

While butch lesbians were going out every weekend in men's clothing just to be physically attacked by men on the sidewalk or police, they did it to feel comfortable in their identities and for the strength of the community. Here at Smith, I can go out every day of the week wearing an article of clothing that was not designed for women and feel completely safe about it- other than a few potential teasing comments from my friends about being too gay. But hey, it's safe.

Our house parties. Well, where to even begin. Gay and lesbians bars were constantly shut down or raided by police. Violence everywhere led to riots and the constant fight to be accepted in public for anyone who wished to participate in a non-heteronormative weekend environment. Still, men and women went. They danced with members of the same sex. They were arrested, they were attacked. Today, we throw house parties where girls are all up on each other dancing and hooking up. No one says anything! In fact, it's encouraged. There is actual social status awarded here for being gay. And I think that's awesome! Not only because I am gay, but because it shows that there is a desire in the community here to WANT to have more members, to accept more people, to fuck with the hetero environment that surrounds us in the rest of the world.

Anyway, I just needed to put all that out there. I truly do think it is important to recognize that people fought to create the safe spaces we can share today. Hell, if the butch/femme community of Buffalo from the fifties could see Smith college today, I'm sure they would all be so proud and excited for us. This is not to say that everything is perfect, not at all, the fight continues. But it is tremendously important to look back on the work that has been done before us.

Okay, gay rant over.

Wall Theory

--as heard on Hot Topics with DJ Plaid and DJ Pearlz on WOZQ 91.9--

Here is my latest social theory pertaining to the party scene at Smith and beyond:

WALL THEORY

I can almost guarantee that no lesbian at a house party would be upset if two hot femmes were dancing together. In fact, at least from my point of view, it would be hot. Now, I won't speak for other...soft butches? Ew I had that label, but I don't know what else to call myself right now, but for those of us who enjoy the company of femmier girls than ourselves-- I think it is safe to say that there is enjoyment to take away from watching two femmes dance together.

So, the other night I was hanging with a bro-lesbian of mine at a house party and there were femmes dancing together all around us and getting tons of attention from both the men at the party and the other bro-lesbians. This is all fine and dandy, but I soon made the observation that if she and I were to start dancing together, we would look completely ridiculous. It's true. It isn't sexy if two bros dance together. Well this just wasn't fair. How were we supposed to keep our cool and get the attention of the femme ladies without actually approaching them?

Our solution: The perfect bro-wall-lean and casual chit chat. This is going to be pretty hard to describe in writing without being able to demonstrate, but do not fear- I will try.

Okay, so, grab a bro. Find a wall. Don't be sketchy. If you're sketchy, the whole thing is ruined. Wall theory incorporates both looking chill, while still looking active in your pursuit of hotties. You'll want to be having a conversation with your friend, you should be looking casual, leaning against a wall or table together (I know this sounds a little stupid, but it has been tried and proven, promise). While having your probably pointless conversation, make sure to be looking around the room for any ladies who may be worth your attention. Once you find one, try to get her attention through a quick round of eye contact, but don't appear too interested. Laugh with your bro, check out some other girls, but then look back at the girl in your radar and once again try to catch her attention. On the second or third round of catching her eye, a slight head nod would be appropriate. Eventually, you will want to look like you are completely open to the idea of her coming over to you, but not until she has begun to approach you or has made an effort to begin to dance closer to you with her friends.

The goal of this theory is to have the girl(s) approach you and if you are awesome enough- start dancing with you. Another win of this theory is that it's always fun to dance against a wall. It takes away a lot of the pressure of, you know, having to stand up and keep your balance.

Theory conclusion: if done correctly, two bro lesbians should be able to grab the attention of femmes in a similar way as two femmes dancing with each other at a party.

Try it out, let me know if it works for you.

Bitch Slap

No, I did not piss off some girl at a party...This is basically one of the most over the top, hilarious, and offensive works of "film" that I have ever seen in my life. It is kind of a mix of a feminist centered battling a misogynistic centered graphic novel, action film, and soft-core. Essentially, these three girls are super hot and beat up lots of gross men, other chicks, and each other. But don't worry- they also make out. Of course.

Through the awful stereotypes, objectification of women, and other horribly offensive things, I must admit, the movie is quite amusing. From a feminist standpoint.... I'm not even going to try to go there. However, they are all very strong female characters. So that's a plus. And the movie does circulate around their power strength against numerous attempts of masculine control over their bodies and their actions. There we go.

Another fun objective from this post, other than my brief and pointless attempt to describe this movie-there really are no words- is to post a DRINKING GAME To play along while you watch!

Bitch Slap Drinking Game:

• Drink every time there is a slow motion shot
• Drink every time you see a gun (FINISH your drink when the BIG gun comes out)
  
• Drink for lesbian innuendo (FINISH your drink when they do it)
• Drink every time water is poured on one of the girls
• Drink every time there is a completely pointless flash back
• Finish your drink if you make it to the end of the movie, because my friends and I still have not!
  

One of my favorite things

The literal music video for Total Eclipse of the Heart. Too funny for words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA

New Drinking Game

So, the other night some of my friends and I decided to have a chill, bro night in. This obviously turned into going out and partying harder later, but the beginning of the night was relatively calm and the creation of a new drinking was born...

P U S S Y!

The concept:
No, this is probably not going where you'd expect.
You know the game HORSE in basketball? Someone takes a shot and if they make it, their opponent has to do the same shot? So you can get tricky like behind the back or under the leg, and the other person has to be able to do it OR they get a letter. In our case, you lose once you have spelled out P U S S Y. I realize our maturity levels are extraordinary.

The Game:
Floor pong! Set up at least three cups in front of you on the floor. It is easiest if you have a chair to sit on right behind your cups facing your opponent(s). Make sure to fill the cups up with something so they don't easily knock over. Now, someone begins by attempting to throw a pong ball into one of their opponent's cups. In order to win, you must be able to make a shot into your opponent's cup that they cannot recreate successfully and therefore will get a letter.

Shot ideas:
Under the leg
Eyes closed
Calling a specific cup (the back left)
Bouncing a specific number of times before entering a cup
Standing and dropping it in
etc!

D&G Ad

This advertisement was from Dolce & Gabbana's fall 2009 campaign but I just stumbled across it and obviously intrigued. Other than Jesus Luz just hanging out there on the right, pretty out of place for the advertisement, I think it's a pretty fascinating piece. Dolce & Gabbana are continually my favorite source of print advertising because of the ways in which they push homoerotic boundaries and play with the viewers subconscious.

This ad especially works hugely with notions of masculinity and, as per usual, plays on sexuality as well. Fun stuff.

Weekend Warrior

Literally feel like the past four nights have been a battle of booze and babes.

(Disclaimer: The babes in the sense that Smith has many, many of them and therefore they have been a part of my weekend)

Anyway, tonight let's chat about the pros and cons of starting your weekend on Wednesday night. Here in Noho, Wednesday night means drag night at Divas downtown. Usually pretty entertaining, cute girls, fun gay men...not such a good idea to attempt a visit sober...and definitely not a great idea if you have class at or before 9 am the next morning. Although this hardly stops anyone.

So, you've hit up Divas on Wednesday: saw some drag, danced around- maybe on stage, and hopefully found a cozy ride home instead of having to brave the chilly fall air. Thursday morning rolls around, you're totally miserable, but hopefully the night before was fun enough to make it worth the headache (remember to drink water throughout the night to prevent this headache!).

Thursday night, party? Why not. If you aren't bound to science labs all day on Friday and instead have the freedom of the 3 day weekend, have some fun! I'm not saying the four day party weekend is a good idea every weekend. No, no, no. It should only be attempted rarely to save your body from complete and utter exhaustion. So, you've committed to Thursday. It's happening. You're raging. Good job. There's always the option to take either Friday or Saturday night off, but that's a bit more tricky as more people are generally up for a good time.

Now, the pros and cons of putting your body through the four-day-warrior-weekend. This is not a serious term, I'm basically referencing the self-label of "warrior" that occurred the other day while talking to my co-DJ (DJ Pearlz) at a hungover brunch.

Pros:

• FUN! Everyone needs a break from school and real life now and then. Kick back. Take some time to relax and play. We all need it.
• Breaking up the week. Why only have fun two nights of the week? Going out on Wednesday keeps you sane from the hellish amount of work and life dramz that can happen during the week.
• Dancing=endorphins! Good for the mind and body!
  

Cons:

• $$$: Going out/liquid refreshments can be expensive
  
• Lack of motivation for school work: exhaustion seeps in and who wants to do a paper outline or read about Bourdieu's stance on the field of education when our beds are oh so comfortable and napping is oh so nice?
  
• Bad life decisions. Always a possibility over the course of that many drunken escapades.

Speaking of bad life decisions, I've chosen to write this post instead of reading Suburban Warriors: The Origins of the New American Right... oh well! The night is young!

Do yourself a favor

And watch this video right now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZrSY_ISn4w

I miss coffee

No coffee for me today. Missing it. In a stage of my life where today I've decided that I want to own a coffee shop. Mmm coffee.

It's a beautiful day

I'm in a great mood, and I wanted to post something that symbolized happiness to me recently!

Pre-weekend advice: HANGOVER HELP

Due to it being Thursday, and therefore the start of the weekend, I thought an appropriate post would be some handy hints as to avoiding/dealing with a possibly inevitable hangover sometime this weekend.

Unfortunately for me, hangovers tend to be an all day event. The sacrifice of a night well spent. All I find myself craving is melted cheese. Since I cut fast food, and more specifically- Taco Bell, out of my diet, it has been harder to find the perfect food to satisfy this intense desire for my poor hungover body. A few good substitutes I have found are: a cheese quesadilla from the Campus Center Cafe, Macaroni and Cheese, a grilled cheese, and sometimes- just plain melted cheese. Nom nom nom.

First off: Why do hangovers happen?!

Well, according to my handy-dandy pals at besthangovercure.com who sum it up nicely:
A hangover is an after-effect of intoxication(DUH). Alcohol being a diuretic leads to dehydration of the body. This dehydration is in turn responsible for the headaches,dizziness, general body weakness and tiredness, increased sensitivity to light and noise, nausea and vomiting – all the symptoms of a hangover. Fun stuff, right?

So, to first avoid having a hangover, you should note that some alcoholic drinks are more likely to make you feel like shit than others: red wine, for example, is worse than white. Clear alcohol is better than dark. Also, eating fatty foods and drinking milk before drinking are both good ideas. Then just keep hydrated while drinking alcohol to keep your body hydrated.

Some remedies: Water, obviously. Foods that will boost blood sugar and restore potassium and salts: BANANAS and COCONUT WATER are great. Avoid aspirin and Tylenol so as not to upset your stomach, but other over the counter pain relievers are good. Also, coffee-NOT GOOD. Also a diuretic, avoid it, unfortunately. Sports drinks- good! And lots of sleep. Sorry, Sunday homework.


On the bright side, one of the (or the only) nice things about devoting a day to a hangover, is how awesome you feel the next day. Without the hangover, it's like being rejuvenated and feeling like you're on top of the world!

Happy Weekend!

Procrastination Round 2

Once again, instead of studying for this LGBT midterm tomorrow (Let it be noted, however, that I have almost completed my study outline), I have found myself on the Garfield website looking through the comic archives for the strips that have published on my birthdays throughout the years. For your entertainment, and possible procrastination, I will post some gems:

Procrastination

I don't know what it is about today/tonight but I absolutely cannot focus on anything academic. Other than finishing my reading in Philip Roth's Goodbye, Columbus, nothing else really seems to be getting done. Good book though.

Here is a list of things that seem more important to me right now than studying for my LGBT midterm on Tuesday:

1. My messy room. Not cleaning it, but instead trying my best not to look around it. From where I am perched on my bed, I can see... a lime, at least 7 glasses containing liquids from last night, a cowboy hat, a huge open container of cranberry juice, a completely EMPTY handle of Svedka, an almost finished bottle of Fresca, cards splayed across the floor, a studded belt, so yeah- sums up my life, sums up why I'm terrified to begin the cleaning process.
   
2. Chelsea Handler. All I want to do is keep reading Are You There Vodka? Not that Roth's protagonist, Neil, and his struggles with love, class, and winning ping-pong games against seven year old girls in the suburbs of New Jersey isn't riveting, but frankly I'd rather be reading about Handler's alcohol problem.
3. My radio show! Tonight's topic is health at Smith college which I'm sure will be filled with lots of jokes and an absolutely phenomenal assortment of tunes. Just kidding about that last part. Pretty sure a Ne-yo and Celine Dion combination wouldn't necessarily thrill the WOZQ heads. Ah well.
4. Being weak and tired from last night. Enough said.

So, as you can see, studying is just not a priority right now. Alas, WWII gays and lesbos, you're struggles and community growth will have to wait until later.

PEACE OUT.

TV show recommendation

Cats 101 is a fantastic show on Animal Planet. Basically, it's an hour of cats, facts about cats, and weird people who are crazy about cats. What could be better? It airs every Saturday evening at 8, and sometimes 7 also? If you're lucky.

Suggested Cats 101 drinking game:

• Every time the word "pet" is said
  
• Every time a bad cat joke is made
• Whenever you hear a meow
• Every time there is a close-up on a cat's face
  
• If you want to get really drunk, every time you say "AW!"

You're welcome.

AND I'M BACK!

Hello and welcome back to your favorite blog about babes and berries everyone!

While it may be a little more difficult for me to find source material to write about berries now that I'm back at Smith, I'm sure I will find plenty of stuff to write about. I apologize it took so long to get back in the swing of blogging- the beginning of the year has been crazy BUT now it's a .... kind of dreary Thursday afternoon AND I just finished a mad rush of papers being due, and I'm in a fantastic mood and ready to kick off a bound to be AW--- WAIT FOR IT--- SOME weekend. That doesn't work as well as Barney Stinson, huh? Oh well. You get the idea.

So! It's a new year, and everyone is surrounded by new people- maybe you're a first year just coming into Smith or wherever, or maybe you're an upper-classperson (like the PC-ness there?) checking out all the new hotties on campus or in your classes. Either way, new crushes are BOUND to happen. So, let's talk about one of my favorite pieces of advice:

IF YOU LIKE SOMEONE, LET THEM KNOW.

Now, I'm going to elaborate. First off, you know when one of your friends comes up to you and is all, "Oh my god, So-and-so is totally into you! She/he thinks you're so hot!" Maybe you've known the person forever, maybe you have to check them out on facebook, but either way: THEY WILL BE ON YOUR RADAR. Everyone likes compliments. Everyone likes to be liked. If you hear that someone is into you, all of a sudden you're going to pay them a little attention, even if it's just for a second in your mind. Maybe the next time you see them around, you'll find yourself giving them a little up and down look or making eyes, all because you know they're into you.

So, there are multiple ways to get into this position in the offensive. Yes, having a mutual friend drop a hint that you're into the person is always easy, and actually not a bad idea, as long as it isn't done too obviously, of course. However, if you're feeling a little bold, it's also a good idea to let them know on your own. It's more personal and way more pro-active to start flirting (subtly) and, at first, making them wonder if maybe you are into them. Here are some suggestions...

First: DON'T BE CREEPY. There is no need to be ALL over them ALL the time. No, no, no. Subtly is way more effective and way sexier. Trust me. I know that some booze in your system may make your confidence go up, but don't be sloppy either. We've all made that mistake and over-flirted and felt like a loser in the morning. I'll take a minute here to apologize for all the times that has happened in my life... aaand, moving on!

My next tip: EYES. You know that look that you get from someone across the room that catches your eyes for a second and makes you wonder. Don't just blatantly stare until they look back, but if you can catch their eyes repeatedly, that's good. Give a little smirk. Hold their eyes for just a second each time casually, then look away. Be busy. Look occupied, but like you're making it worth your time to catch their eyes and let them know you're giving them some attention. This is great for party settings or even across a dining hall.

Casual touching: Maybe you're already friendly but you want to be more. Once again, subtly=awesome. Let them think that maybe you want to be a little more than friendly with them: touch their arm when you talk, linger your hand on their wrist as you say goodbye, lean into them if appropriate. There are plenty of ways to throw in some casual touching, and you should be able to tell right away if it is taken positively or negatively. If they smile up at you or touch back- THAT'S GOOD. If they pull away awkwardly...maybe this was too far. Back it up and take some time to reevaluate.

If you're at this place in your friendship already: invite them over! Be bold! Invite them to a party and make them feel welcome, show them a good time but don't spend all of your time with them. Compliment what they're wearing. Flirt. Be a little physical, especially if alcohol is available as a social lubricant.

If you do these thing and think they might be into you, well then, hopefully you have some game and can reel in the catch.

Now, quick disclaimer. If you are into someone WHO IS TAKEN: DO. NOT. PUSH. IT. I'm all for letting your feelings be known because, hey, maybe they aren't actually happy and you could be awesome and something may work out...BUT, IF YOU TRY MORE THAN ONCE AND IT IS NOT RECIPROCATED, IT'S TIME TO CALL IT QUITS. Don't you think? Move onto someone else awesome! There are plenty of girls, boys, or whatever you're into out there to focus your attention on.

So, with these helpful hints, GO FORTH! Enjoy the weekend! Let your crush have an idea you're into them and maybe the weekend will be better than you expected!

Life as Art...

In a novel I have been reading in the days before heading to SC, I came across a quote about our generation and the internet in response to someone older accusing us of lacking artistic merit and culture:

"Don't be so down on our generation. We put our hookups on the Internet so other people can watch. Life as art is very hot."

Thought this was interesting, and accurate. And yes, for those of you who may have recognized it and started laughing at me, it is from a Gossip Girl book. What can I say.

Something Eerie

I've never sat through an episode of Oprah in my life, and yet, when I just saw that the season beginning in September would be her "farewell season," I got chills and a streak of fear. What's with this?

I'm hoping you all will take a moment to analyze this because I'm basically preparing a thesis on it.

Why do I think you're so hot??

Just starting watching season 3 of True Blood, and once again my fierce man crush on Eric is firing up. He's just so sexy! Don't worry though, if Evan Rachel Wood was featured more as the vampire queen I'm sure my interest would be otherwise. But for now, helloooo Eric.

Mating For Life

Ooooh the subject of monogamy. Let's begin with a simple Merriam-Webster definition:
archaic : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime. 2. : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time ... blahblahblah. Ha. My favorite part is that this begins with archaic. But no, no, no I'm not anti monogamy. Not at all. I think it's honorable and respectful and all of those good things. And hey, if someone's good enough in bed to keep around, do it! Okay maybe I don't want to discuss monogamy.

I have a different idea.



Let's list the animals that mate for life!!

• Gibbons. You know, the cute monkeys that are really close to humans. Well, apparently for them, they find themselves in male/female pairs (boring) that are of roughly equal size. Interestingly enough, the size matter is representative of equality among the relationships. How nice! Go monkey world!
• Swans. We've all seen the images of swans with their necks entwined forming a heart. Well, there you go. I guess swans have a problem of entwining their necks together and not being able to get them apart, hence, a life-long sexual and emotional bond! I'm so good at decoding the animal world.
  
• Black Vultures. Hmm. Well. I guess if they all look that ugly... no temptation?
  
• French angelfish. Reading about these fish kind of remind me of some human relationships that begin in high school. Apparently, these fish are never really found alone and they can basically just stay together as long as they are alive. The pairs will even act as a team to attack other pairs away from their territory. Yikes. Whoever started the saying, "there are other fish in the sea" probably got attacked by a pair of French angelfish soon after.
  
• Wolves. I didn't know this! Wolves actually act similarly to a nuclear family. Okay Study of Women and Gender majors, let's go. Why does the wolf often portray the trickster character in folklore, but in reality, is bound to a nuclear model of family, clearly more responsible and loyal than portrayed throughout story telling?
• Albatross. Oh good. I didn't know these actually existed. Wasn't this the huuuge bird in The Rescuers Down Under? Oh, no that was a great golden eagle. The albatross was the quirky bird who flew them to Australia. Anyway! This one is both fun and romantic. Albatrosses fly all over the place, but always return to their original location and mate. Aw. How do they keep the spark over their long distance relationship? Goofy and affectionate ritual dances! I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.
• Termites. Great. King, queen, you get the drift.
  
• Prairie voles. Aww. Did you know that most rodents have a reputation for promiscuity? Well, these little guys don't. They support each other, groom one another, and share nesting and pup-raising responsibilities. Apparently, these voles are more successful than a whooole lot of human relationships.
  
• Turtle Doves. Well now the Twelve Days of Christmas song makes a little more sense.
  
• Ummm. Then there's a weird kind of worm, but worms freak me out so I'm skipping this one.
  
• Bald Eagles. The foundation of America. Cue the National Anthem, please. As for lasting relationships, bald eagles own Americans. Way to go, Eagles!
  

And there you go. Lessons of monogamy and relationships from the animal world.

Have you gotten your free toaster?

This morning we are going to discuss the "Toaster" in regards to lesbian community!
As you may or may not have heard of before, the toaster refers to an already experienced woman sleeping with a woman who has never before slept with women. I hope that isn't too confusing. In other words, if Ellen DeGeneres was to sleep with... Laura Bush (assuming Laura has been loyal to her husband and never had a "lesbian thing" in college), then Ellen would get a toaster as a prize!

I've never really known exactly where this saying came from or what it was symbolic of, so I did some research. I kind of always thought of it as, getting a girl's toaster. As if every girl out there had some metaphoric toaster to give away if the opportunity ever presented itself.

However, after doing some research, I've discovered that the saying came about in response to ignorant people who view lesbians as a threat because they are out to "turn" women gay. If only that was possible. Kidding? So, the joke among the gay community was to own the insult and say "yep, we're recruiting, one more and I get a free toaster oven!" The joke was intended to sound ridiculous. I think it succeeded.

I'm just glad the saying isn't actually in reference to something about a vagina looking like a toaster oven. There's also the theory that the toaster symbolizes the change in the bread. Once toasted, the toast cannot go back to being simple bread. I wonder if Smith always has a toaster handy in dining halls so as not to confuse first years into thinking they are supposed to acquire one in another way.

Fun lesbian jokes!

Summer is coming to a close. Yay no more working. Boo school work. Yay G House. Boo leaving Vermont. Lots of stuff to feel, but the cure to any possible sadness? Some lesbian jokes. Duh. I'll even rate them for you in the order that I feel is worst to best.

5) All lesbians eat at the Y!


4) Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to change it, two to organise the potluck, one to write a folk song about the empowering experience and one to set up the support group.

3)Q: What kind of humour do lesbians like?
A: Tongue in cheek.

2) Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
A: Single.

HA


1) One day, a butchie came home and was greeted by her wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want."

So she tied her up and went fishing. BADOOM CHAH!

Welcome!

Absolutely Hilarious

This is real, created by an amusing Swiss condom company!
As you might guess, Warner Brothers is not happy about the dirtying of Harry's precious image. So the company is being sued. By Dumbledore.

End of an Era

Well, work at the berry farm is over. Completed my sixth year, not sure if I will be back next year. Bittersweet. Unlike berries, which are hopefully mostly sweet. Unless they are not ripe enough blueberries in which case they can be extremely bitter and sour. Not highly recommended.
Anyway! Along with ending work at the farm, I also have given up the BlackBerry Storm. Onto the baby Android-- the Ally. Just keeping ya'll posted on what the pictures will be coming from.

Oh, and do not fret, I will still be blogging. Not sure how much I'll be tying in berries, but you know I will somehow.

Ride Recognition

Last night one of my best friends and I went to the county fair to go on rides. Yes, we are 20 year old girls, but really does the excitement of getting an Unlimited Riding bracelet ever get old? Nah. We proved that right last night.

For those of you who do not have the pleasure of living in the country and attending a REAL fair once a year during the summer, I will give you some of the highlights of the magic that is a country fair:

• Greasy fast food: fried dough at it's best, bloomin' onions, candy apples, (real) maple milkshakes, cotton candy, etc.
  
• the classiest people on earth: endless amounts of shirts with wolves on them, ripped camo shorts, mullets, shirtless teenage boys in Carhartts, nearly shirtless pregnant teenage girls, and, of course, plenty of toothless grins
• tractor pulls: yes, this is exactly what it sounds like. which tractor can pull the most.
• Demolition Derby: cars run into each other and try not to explode first
• Karaoke (country themed, usually)
• Looking at animals: my favorite is, of course, the baby animal tent for kids where you can pet lots of baby sheep, cows, goats, pigs, etc. There are also barns and barns of cows. Yup. Have fun imagining that smell.
• Being heckled at by carnies while walking through the game section: make quick, innocent eye contact with one of these fellas and they won't stop yelling at you until you go over to their booth to throw a ball or toss something into a barrel
• And, last but certainly not least- the rides! and the main point of this post...

Fair rides are great, maybe not 100% safe, but you get to spin and be up in the air and it's a grand ol' time. However, as we are realizing, the older you get- the more your body does not necessarily agree with the spinning and the jolting around as it used to. Damn. However, the fair at night is something everyone should experience at some point in their lives. All of the lights from the rides filling the dark air and the scent of grease and dust filling your senses... Ahhhh. So, I am here to give you incentive to suck up the stomach aches and bruises that will inevitably result in going on rides. How, you ask?

Because, fair rides are like sex.

Let's take the Orbiter for example:
Once inside your little pod with a buddy, you start spinning around in circles, around the actual machine. Lots of spinning. Then you are lifted into the air and thrown around in a circle (in a circle, in a circle). The excitement comes from the speed and the feeling that you are going to crash into the ground or be thrown into something nearby before being yanked back to safety and then repeating the feeling.
Anyway, how is this like sex? ...what, sex to all of you isn't being yanked around and thrown into stuff? I kid, I kid. The way rides are like sex, is that there is a nice calm start, an exciting build up, an awesome and intense climax, and then a nice cool down period.
You get strapped into the ride (yes, this was intentional), start spinning slowly, getting a feel for it....then it speeds up, your muscles tighten and you hold on as you are soon going faster and faster until you don't think you can take it any more, when you finally relax and the ride starts to slow down.

Point proven? I think so. See you next year at the fair!

Stuck in my head all day

"And I'll say I ain't do it with my face covered in chocolate"

"Bi Now"

Okay yes I was just on a website looking at gay and lesbian themed T-shirt slogans, no you are not allowed to mock me endlessly for this. It happens.

They were all pretty lame... the usual:
I was gay before it got trendy (true for me)
I can't even think straight (I'll admit I still make this joke way too much)
2QT2BSTR8 (major flashback to angst-ridden-pre-teen-lesbian-novels, ex: Keeping You a Secret)
I put the 'ho' in 'homo' (I obviously think this is funny and would probably wear it to some random Smith party on a good night)
closets are for clothes (not creative, but I support the message)
etc.

However, I did find one amusing or I would not have started to write this post:
"I'm on the bi-now, gay later plan"

Looking back, I am now questioning if it was worth the entire post and the lead up to it, but hey! we got some funny gay slogans out of it, and I still think it's witty. At first I also though it was relevant to the SC lifestyle, but now I'm questioning that also. For some, definitely. For others...it may be more of a Bi-now, gay-later, wait, bi-more-straight-later. Or something. And of course there are always the gay-then-gay-now-gay-later types. And that's all for tonight. Maybe I'll buy a 2QT2BSTR8 bumper sticker for my dad's car tomorrow.

Busy Beez

This is a super crunchy nature post. Heads up.

Fall raspberries are just about ready for Pick Ur Own on the berry farm! We've been picking now and then, just enough for markets, and right now going to pick the fall raspberries means some bonding time with the bees. Each bush is buzzzzing like crazy as worker bees are pollinating and heading back to the hive. They're so impressive! I love bees, and I will admit after reading The Secret Life of Bees, I always try to send out loving vibes whenever they are around. However, the honey bees in these bushes are so friendly it's hardly necessary. It took me a while, but now I feel completely comfortable actually getting into a bush to get berries while being surrounded by bees. Occasionally one will briefly land on my hand before flying away without even the slightest threat of a sting. So friendly! Okay I'm done nature ranting now.


Ps, did you know that golden raspberries exist?? They look just like summer red raspberries but they are bright yellow! I had no idea...

437 Ways To Look Sexy This Fall!

Just kidding, this isn't an issue of Cosmo. And, those of you who know me, know very well that I am not one to be giving out fashion advice anyway. However, I have a quick suggestion as back to school shopping is happening. Ha. Sometimes I can't take myself.

Okay, but really, here it is: dressing to impress can be as simple as wearing something new. An observation I've always had is that people simply look good in an outfit or an article of clothing that they haven't yet been seen in. It's like an element of surprise! If a girl shows up to a party in a dress that I haven't ever seen her in, yeah, I'm going to notice and, at least for a little while, be more into the new outfit (as long as it actually looks good on her as well as being something I haven't seen before) than perhaps something I've seen before. This isn't saying that there aren't things people should wear a lot because they look damn good in them-- these articles of clothing are important to know also. It also maybe become, over time, very difficult to keep pulling out different, surprising new articles of clothing to wear. But, for now, the message is that one way to get the attention of a prospective hookup/ love interest is to wear something that they haven't seen before. Simple, awesome, and that's it for my fashion advice.

Ménage à trois?

Unfortunately I do not have the time right now to go into all of my feelings/opinions/advice on threesomes... however! I do have this really sexy picture for all of you taken in the field today, of course, on my blackberry. Still impressed with the quality.
but really. What's up here, guys? I feel bad for the one on the right.
This picture is actually really ironic for a previous situation of mine. I'll just say that. And, that I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend that if you EVER have a threesome, do NOT do it when you are in a relationship. It will notttt end well. Other than that, have fun!

Gardiner House vs. Home

Okay so while I love Gardiner House more than anything, I do not exactly prefer the laundry situation to ... other laundry situations. Like the nice, clean, kindly light laundry room at home in Vermont.

So, the biggest difference between Gardiner and being home: When clean underwear falls out of the laundry machine and onto the floor at home, there is no need to put it immediately back into the dirty laundry pile.

Only in Vermont: Weed Dating

Yes, this is a real thing.

http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20100730/LIVING09/100730018/-Weed-dating-Speed-dating-for-singles-moves-to-the-farm-field

Please note that the woman featured in the picture at the top of the article actually came from Northampton, MA to do this. Ah the little coincidences of life.


"In this Vermont-born spin on speed dating, participants would meet in pairs for timed periods of seven minutes before moving on to their next pairing. However, these brief encounters would not take place across a table in a dark bar or restaurant, as speed dating typically does, but instead across a row of leeks, which they would weed as they chatted."

So, while I spend 8 hours a day bent over with my hands in the dirt, I'm usually whining to a fellow coworker or groaning to myself. These people choose to do it in a "romantic" setting for fun. Crazy. I mean, to be honest, I can see how it would be nice. Generally I enjoy being outside and I still find enjoyment in playing in the mud. Especially on my own time, as opposed to being forced to weed endless rows of strawberries over and over and over again. And I mean, maybe they can discuss the texture and quality of the soil or a recipe for leek soup if the conversation lacks for their 7 minutes? It would also be a hilarious story to tell if you actually met someone and ended up together. Weed dating, really?

Anyway, I of course secretly, and now not so secretly, think this is adorable because it couldn't be any more Vermont. And I love Vermont. Brilliant, I must say, of the farmer who thought of it. Hell yeah you can pay me to weed my leeks and have some possible awkward interactions while doing so, I'd love to watch! Brilliant farmer. Bringing romance to gardening.

Would I weed date? I would try it. And ladies, it's totally cool with me if you want to come chat me up for 7 minutes at a time and help me weed or pick berries at work! Hope to see you there.

Berryhill's Baby

Tis the season for a blueberry drink!
So I'm searching my favorite drink recipe sites for a delicious sounding blueberry drink, when I come across this interesting recipe from Bar None Drinks...

Berryhill's Baby

Drink Type: Cocktail

Ingredients

6 2/3 oz. Dark Rum
1 Kiwi
1 Peach
1 Zinc Tablet
1/3 pound(s) Blueberries

Instructions

Blend until smooth and frappe in an exotic glass.

Sounds pretty good, right? Then I look again... A ZINC TABLET? The kind my dad makes me take when I'm sick? Well, when I make this, I will probably be taking out the tablet, unless I am getting a cold. In which case, power to the healthy drinks! Let's all remember this when we're back at school and sick on a Friday night. NO EXCUSES NOW!

You all lucked out

I've got the day off, so how am I spending my Sunday morning? Laying on the couch with some coffee, relaxing, and of course, thinking about the farm. Damn it. So, I'm thinking about things that bug me, I suppose in order to be able to enjoy the day off more? And I think about the stupid bird call machine in the blueberry plants. We've got this machine in order to ...try...to scare away birds from landing in the bushes and pecking at the berries. It rarely works. Sometimes birds actually perch right next to the noise making machine and sit there contently as it rages on destroying everyone else's peace of mind and sanity. The machine is loud, annoying, and a little terrifying. The bird noises that come out of it bring to mind a fight to the death between gangs of crows with horrible colds that are louder than any bird in the natural world. Occasionally there will be a solo outburst by one of the diseased crows that damages anyone's ear drums within a fifteen foot radius.

Anyway, the point of this post is that I was going to try to find a sound byte (is this the correct term?) on the internet, or like, a youtube video, and post it while somehow tricking you into wanting to watch it. That way, without picking blueberries, one can experience the trials and challenges of being in the field. A good way to start anyone's Sunday morning!

Barney Stinson was totally right...

Laser tag is completely awesome.
The intensity. The excitement. The being scared shitless. The running. The hiding. The vests. The shooting. The loyalty.The betrayal. The Star Wars music they decide to play at Pizza Putt. What is not awesome about this?

Best 7.5 minutes of my life.
Maybe.

I can't not be lame about this "sexy berry"

I was trying to think of a creative title and response introduction to this, but there just isn't a way to not sound overly ridiculous.
Only ideas so far:
Not all berries just get hot from the son.... this Berry is hot all the time.
some dirty jokes about berries tasting good? way too much?
And that's all I've got. Basically, I feel the need to pay tribute to her on this blog. She is a babe and a berry. Ha. I win. And besides, there is no one who did not think she was beyond sexy in this Bond film.
So, you're welcome.

Some Fun Facts about Blueberries

• Native Americans called blueberries "star berries" because of the five points of the blossoms making a star shape
• Mocking their British roots, the first early American colonists renamed blueberries "buckle," "grunt," and "slump" as they added them to their traditional fruit and dough puddings.
• During the Civil War, blueberries were collected and packaged to be sent to Union troops for use as a food staple.
• Robert Frost loved blueberries so much he wrote a poem about them. It was creatively entitled, "Blueberries."
• New Jersey claims the berry as its official state fruit.
• Blueberries are the official berries of Nova Scotia, Canada.
  
• Blueberries contain more antioxidants than most other fruits of vegetables.
• Blueberries are one of the only traditional foods that are truly blue in color.

More "True Life" Edisodes!

Episode 27: Diversity Day
Many great television shows have a "diversity day" themed episode. May I turn everyone's memories to South Park's episode which brought along the fantastically offensive and hilarious singing J Lo brought to life on Cartman's hand?

"Fulfill all your wishes
with my taco-flavored kisses! Taco taco. Burrito"

Who could forget that musical gem? Anyway, on the Diversity Day episode of True Life: I work on a Vermont Berry Farm, a lesson in diversity is given as the whole crew picks blueberries. R tries to defend his use of the word "mexicans" to his gram, aka the boss, as she calls him out. His correction? "people who eat tacos" ... maybe he should write for South Park?

Episode 29: M and G Caught in the Act...
OF SINGING! A hot afternoon brings about the very common song and dance between M and G. After completing a duet together taking the two raspberry pickers through a fake(?) romantic quarrel, M breaks out in solo song. The theme of this song? Looking forward to a certain bodily function. Mid song, however, a regular customer walks up without the girls noticing until he is literally three feet away. Apparently, they had an audience.

The Perfect Theme Song

Okay, this actually has absolutely nothing to do with Babes or Berries but I want to post about it anyway, and because this is my blog, I can.

Television theme songs are hugely important in the way a show comes across and for the viewing pleasure of the audience. The song cannot be too long, too disconnected, or too short. If the intro is lengthy and filled with too many images it gets boring, especially now that watching television shows prerecorded or on DVD has become more popular. Someone may have to watch the intro repeatedly if watching more than one episode in one sitting. On the flip side, the intro should not be too short or meaningless. It should be catchy! Fun! Drawing the viewer into the feeling of the show.

Two television shows come to mind which succeed in the perfectly timed and catchy intro, ending just as you think it is going to get too long and leaving on a satisfying note: How I Met Your Mother and 30 Rock.

While I stand by these two as the best TV show intro songs, I will say that there is a counter argument to be recognized. Because these songs are short and direct, when watching the show on DVD it is dangerous to leave the menu on too long for risk of one's sanity. The short song playing over and over again can grow tiresome much faster than a more lengthy tune. Still, in the actual moment of watching the show, the short, catchy, direct and fun introductions take the win.


I'm really hoping no one who read this saw the title first and expected me to state my life theme song or something lame like that. Because I totally wasn't trying to see if I could come up with one throughout writing this entire post or anything.

Taking the higher road...

So, there's been a bit of drama at the berry farm recently. However, instead of using this space as a negative resource, I am instead going to post these beautiful pictures of blueberries in the morning. The dew was especially stunning this day.

Yes, I just laughed at myself too.