Ride Recognition

Last night one of my best friends and I went to the county fair to go on rides. Yes, we are 20 year old girls, but really does the excitement of getting an Unlimited Riding bracelet ever get old? Nah. We proved that right last night.

For those of you who do not have the pleasure of living in the country and attending a REAL fair once a year during the summer, I will give you some of the highlights of the magic that is a country fair:

• Greasy fast food: fried dough at it's best, bloomin' onions, candy apples, (real) maple milkshakes, cotton candy, etc.
  
• the classiest people on earth: endless amounts of shirts with wolves on them, ripped camo shorts, mullets, shirtless teenage boys in Carhartts, nearly shirtless pregnant teenage girls, and, of course, plenty of toothless grins
• tractor pulls: yes, this is exactly what it sounds like. which tractor can pull the most.
• Demolition Derby: cars run into each other and try not to explode first
• Karaoke (country themed, usually)
• Looking at animals: my favorite is, of course, the baby animal tent for kids where you can pet lots of baby sheep, cows, goats, pigs, etc. There are also barns and barns of cows. Yup. Have fun imagining that smell.
• Being heckled at by carnies while walking through the game section: make quick, innocent eye contact with one of these fellas and they won't stop yelling at you until you go over to their booth to throw a ball or toss something into a barrel
• And, last but certainly not least- the rides! and the main point of this post...

Fair rides are great, maybe not 100% safe, but you get to spin and be up in the air and it's a grand ol' time. However, as we are realizing, the older you get- the more your body does not necessarily agree with the spinning and the jolting around as it used to. Damn. However, the fair at night is something everyone should experience at some point in their lives. All of the lights from the rides filling the dark air and the scent of grease and dust filling your senses... Ahhhh. So, I am here to give you incentive to suck up the stomach aches and bruises that will inevitably result in going on rides. How, you ask?

Because, fair rides are like sex.

Let's take the Orbiter for example:
Once inside your little pod with a buddy, you start spinning around in circles, around the actual machine. Lots of spinning. Then you are lifted into the air and thrown around in a circle (in a circle, in a circle). The excitement comes from the speed and the feeling that you are going to crash into the ground or be thrown into something nearby before being yanked back to safety and then repeating the feeling.
Anyway, how is this like sex? ...what, sex to all of you isn't being yanked around and thrown into stuff? I kid, I kid. The way rides are like sex, is that there is a nice calm start, an exciting build up, an awesome and intense climax, and then a nice cool down period.
You get strapped into the ride (yes, this was intentional), start spinning slowly, getting a feel for it....then it speeds up, your muscles tighten and you hold on as you are soon going faster and faster until you don't think you can take it any more, when you finally relax and the ride starts to slow down.

Point proven? I think so. See you next year at the fair!