Life as Art...

In a novel I have been reading in the days before heading to SC, I came across a quote about our generation and the internet in response to someone older accusing us of lacking artistic merit and culture:

"Don't be so down on our generation. We put our hookups on the Internet so other people can watch. Life as art is very hot."

Thought this was interesting, and accurate. And yes, for those of you who may have recognized it and started laughing at me, it is from a Gossip Girl book. What can I say.

Something Eerie

I've never sat through an episode of Oprah in my life, and yet, when I just saw that the season beginning in September would be her "farewell season," I got chills and a streak of fear. What's with this?

I'm hoping you all will take a moment to analyze this because I'm basically preparing a thesis on it.

Why do I think you're so hot??

Just starting watching season 3 of True Blood, and once again my fierce man crush on Eric is firing up. He's just so sexy! Don't worry though, if Evan Rachel Wood was featured more as the vampire queen I'm sure my interest would be otherwise. But for now, helloooo Eric.

Mating For Life

Ooooh the subject of monogamy. Let's begin with a simple Merriam-Webster definition:
archaic : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime. 2. : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time ... blahblahblah. Ha. My favorite part is that this begins with archaic. But no, no, no I'm not anti monogamy. Not at all. I think it's honorable and respectful and all of those good things. And hey, if someone's good enough in bed to keep around, do it! Okay maybe I don't want to discuss monogamy.

I have a different idea.



Let's list the animals that mate for life!!

• Gibbons. You know, the cute monkeys that are really close to humans. Well, apparently for them, they find themselves in male/female pairs (boring) that are of roughly equal size. Interestingly enough, the size matter is representative of equality among the relationships. How nice! Go monkey world!
• Swans. We've all seen the images of swans with their necks entwined forming a heart. Well, there you go. I guess swans have a problem of entwining their necks together and not being able to get them apart, hence, a life-long sexual and emotional bond! I'm so good at decoding the animal world.
  
• Black Vultures. Hmm. Well. I guess if they all look that ugly... no temptation?
  
• French angelfish. Reading about these fish kind of remind me of some human relationships that begin in high school. Apparently, these fish are never really found alone and they can basically just stay together as long as they are alive. The pairs will even act as a team to attack other pairs away from their territory. Yikes. Whoever started the saying, "there are other fish in the sea" probably got attacked by a pair of French angelfish soon after.
  
• Wolves. I didn't know this! Wolves actually act similarly to a nuclear family. Okay Study of Women and Gender majors, let's go. Why does the wolf often portray the trickster character in folklore, but in reality, is bound to a nuclear model of family, clearly more responsible and loyal than portrayed throughout story telling?
• Albatross. Oh good. I didn't know these actually existed. Wasn't this the huuuge bird in The Rescuers Down Under? Oh, no that was a great golden eagle. The albatross was the quirky bird who flew them to Australia. Anyway! This one is both fun and romantic. Albatrosses fly all over the place, but always return to their original location and mate. Aw. How do they keep the spark over their long distance relationship? Goofy and affectionate ritual dances! I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.
• Termites. Great. King, queen, you get the drift.
  
• Prairie voles. Aww. Did you know that most rodents have a reputation for promiscuity? Well, these little guys don't. They support each other, groom one another, and share nesting and pup-raising responsibilities. Apparently, these voles are more successful than a whooole lot of human relationships.
  
• Turtle Doves. Well now the Twelve Days of Christmas song makes a little more sense.
  
• Ummm. Then there's a weird kind of worm, but worms freak me out so I'm skipping this one.
  
• Bald Eagles. The foundation of America. Cue the National Anthem, please. As for lasting relationships, bald eagles own Americans. Way to go, Eagles!
  

And there you go. Lessons of monogamy and relationships from the animal world.

Have you gotten your free toaster?

This morning we are going to discuss the "Toaster" in regards to lesbian community!
As you may or may not have heard of before, the toaster refers to an already experienced woman sleeping with a woman who has never before slept with women. I hope that isn't too confusing. In other words, if Ellen DeGeneres was to sleep with... Laura Bush (assuming Laura has been loyal to her husband and never had a "lesbian thing" in college), then Ellen would get a toaster as a prize!

I've never really known exactly where this saying came from or what it was symbolic of, so I did some research. I kind of always thought of it as, getting a girl's toaster. As if every girl out there had some metaphoric toaster to give away if the opportunity ever presented itself.

However, after doing some research, I've discovered that the saying came about in response to ignorant people who view lesbians as a threat because they are out to "turn" women gay. If only that was possible. Kidding? So, the joke among the gay community was to own the insult and say "yep, we're recruiting, one more and I get a free toaster oven!" The joke was intended to sound ridiculous. I think it succeeded.

I'm just glad the saying isn't actually in reference to something about a vagina looking like a toaster oven. There's also the theory that the toaster symbolizes the change in the bread. Once toasted, the toast cannot go back to being simple bread. I wonder if Smith always has a toaster handy in dining halls so as not to confuse first years into thinking they are supposed to acquire one in another way.

Fun lesbian jokes!

Summer is coming to a close. Yay no more working. Boo school work. Yay G House. Boo leaving Vermont. Lots of stuff to feel, but the cure to any possible sadness? Some lesbian jokes. Duh. I'll even rate them for you in the order that I feel is worst to best.

5) All lesbians eat at the Y!


4) Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to change it, two to organise the potluck, one to write a folk song about the empowering experience and one to set up the support group.

3)Q: What kind of humour do lesbians like?
A: Tongue in cheek.

2) Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
A: Single.

HA


1) One day, a butchie came home and was greeted by her wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want."

So she tied her up and went fishing. BADOOM CHAH!

Welcome!

Absolutely Hilarious

This is real, created by an amusing Swiss condom company!
As you might guess, Warner Brothers is not happy about the dirtying of Harry's precious image. So the company is being sued. By Dumbledore.

End of an Era

Well, work at the berry farm is over. Completed my sixth year, not sure if I will be back next year. Bittersweet. Unlike berries, which are hopefully mostly sweet. Unless they are not ripe enough blueberries in which case they can be extremely bitter and sour. Not highly recommended.
Anyway! Along with ending work at the farm, I also have given up the BlackBerry Storm. Onto the baby Android-- the Ally. Just keeping ya'll posted on what the pictures will be coming from.

Oh, and do not fret, I will still be blogging. Not sure how much I'll be tying in berries, but you know I will somehow.

Ride Recognition

Last night one of my best friends and I went to the county fair to go on rides. Yes, we are 20 year old girls, but really does the excitement of getting an Unlimited Riding bracelet ever get old? Nah. We proved that right last night.

For those of you who do not have the pleasure of living in the country and attending a REAL fair once a year during the summer, I will give you some of the highlights of the magic that is a country fair:

• Greasy fast food: fried dough at it's best, bloomin' onions, candy apples, (real) maple milkshakes, cotton candy, etc.
  
• the classiest people on earth: endless amounts of shirts with wolves on them, ripped camo shorts, mullets, shirtless teenage boys in Carhartts, nearly shirtless pregnant teenage girls, and, of course, plenty of toothless grins
• tractor pulls: yes, this is exactly what it sounds like. which tractor can pull the most.
• Demolition Derby: cars run into each other and try not to explode first
• Karaoke (country themed, usually)
• Looking at animals: my favorite is, of course, the baby animal tent for kids where you can pet lots of baby sheep, cows, goats, pigs, etc. There are also barns and barns of cows. Yup. Have fun imagining that smell.
• Being heckled at by carnies while walking through the game section: make quick, innocent eye contact with one of these fellas and they won't stop yelling at you until you go over to their booth to throw a ball or toss something into a barrel
• And, last but certainly not least- the rides! and the main point of this post...

Fair rides are great, maybe not 100% safe, but you get to spin and be up in the air and it's a grand ol' time. However, as we are realizing, the older you get- the more your body does not necessarily agree with the spinning and the jolting around as it used to. Damn. However, the fair at night is something everyone should experience at some point in their lives. All of the lights from the rides filling the dark air and the scent of grease and dust filling your senses... Ahhhh. So, I am here to give you incentive to suck up the stomach aches and bruises that will inevitably result in going on rides. How, you ask?

Because, fair rides are like sex.

Let's take the Orbiter for example:
Once inside your little pod with a buddy, you start spinning around in circles, around the actual machine. Lots of spinning. Then you are lifted into the air and thrown around in a circle (in a circle, in a circle). The excitement comes from the speed and the feeling that you are going to crash into the ground or be thrown into something nearby before being yanked back to safety and then repeating the feeling.
Anyway, how is this like sex? ...what, sex to all of you isn't being yanked around and thrown into stuff? I kid, I kid. The way rides are like sex, is that there is a nice calm start, an exciting build up, an awesome and intense climax, and then a nice cool down period.
You get strapped into the ride (yes, this was intentional), start spinning slowly, getting a feel for it....then it speeds up, your muscles tighten and you hold on as you are soon going faster and faster until you don't think you can take it any more, when you finally relax and the ride starts to slow down.

Point proven? I think so. See you next year at the fair!

Stuck in my head all day

"And I'll say I ain't do it with my face covered in chocolate"

"Bi Now"

Okay yes I was just on a website looking at gay and lesbian themed T-shirt slogans, no you are not allowed to mock me endlessly for this. It happens.

They were all pretty lame... the usual:
I was gay before it got trendy (true for me)
I can't even think straight (I'll admit I still make this joke way too much)
2QT2BSTR8 (major flashback to angst-ridden-pre-teen-lesbian-novels, ex: Keeping You a Secret)
I put the 'ho' in 'homo' (I obviously think this is funny and would probably wear it to some random Smith party on a good night)
closets are for clothes (not creative, but I support the message)
etc.

However, I did find one amusing or I would not have started to write this post:
"I'm on the bi-now, gay later plan"

Looking back, I am now questioning if it was worth the entire post and the lead up to it, but hey! we got some funny gay slogans out of it, and I still think it's witty. At first I also though it was relevant to the SC lifestyle, but now I'm questioning that also. For some, definitely. For others...it may be more of a Bi-now, gay-later, wait, bi-more-straight-later. Or something. And of course there are always the gay-then-gay-now-gay-later types. And that's all for tonight. Maybe I'll buy a 2QT2BSTR8 bumper sticker for my dad's car tomorrow.

Busy Beez

This is a super crunchy nature post. Heads up.

Fall raspberries are just about ready for Pick Ur Own on the berry farm! We've been picking now and then, just enough for markets, and right now going to pick the fall raspberries means some bonding time with the bees. Each bush is buzzzzing like crazy as worker bees are pollinating and heading back to the hive. They're so impressive! I love bees, and I will admit after reading The Secret Life of Bees, I always try to send out loving vibes whenever they are around. However, the honey bees in these bushes are so friendly it's hardly necessary. It took me a while, but now I feel completely comfortable actually getting into a bush to get berries while being surrounded by bees. Occasionally one will briefly land on my hand before flying away without even the slightest threat of a sting. So friendly! Okay I'm done nature ranting now.


Ps, did you know that golden raspberries exist?? They look just like summer red raspberries but they are bright yellow! I had no idea...

437 Ways To Look Sexy This Fall!

Just kidding, this isn't an issue of Cosmo. And, those of you who know me, know very well that I am not one to be giving out fashion advice anyway. However, I have a quick suggestion as back to school shopping is happening. Ha. Sometimes I can't take myself.

Okay, but really, here it is: dressing to impress can be as simple as wearing something new. An observation I've always had is that people simply look good in an outfit or an article of clothing that they haven't yet been seen in. It's like an element of surprise! If a girl shows up to a party in a dress that I haven't ever seen her in, yeah, I'm going to notice and, at least for a little while, be more into the new outfit (as long as it actually looks good on her as well as being something I haven't seen before) than perhaps something I've seen before. This isn't saying that there aren't things people should wear a lot because they look damn good in them-- these articles of clothing are important to know also. It also maybe become, over time, very difficult to keep pulling out different, surprising new articles of clothing to wear. But, for now, the message is that one way to get the attention of a prospective hookup/ love interest is to wear something that they haven't seen before. Simple, awesome, and that's it for my fashion advice.

Ménage à trois?

Unfortunately I do not have the time right now to go into all of my feelings/opinions/advice on threesomes... however! I do have this really sexy picture for all of you taken in the field today, of course, on my blackberry. Still impressed with the quality.
but really. What's up here, guys? I feel bad for the one on the right.
This picture is actually really ironic for a previous situation of mine. I'll just say that. And, that I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend that if you EVER have a threesome, do NOT do it when you are in a relationship. It will notttt end well. Other than that, have fun!

Gardiner House vs. Home

Okay so while I love Gardiner House more than anything, I do not exactly prefer the laundry situation to ... other laundry situations. Like the nice, clean, kindly light laundry room at home in Vermont.

So, the biggest difference between Gardiner and being home: When clean underwear falls out of the laundry machine and onto the floor at home, there is no need to put it immediately back into the dirty laundry pile.

Only in Vermont: Weed Dating

Yes, this is a real thing.

http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20100730/LIVING09/100730018/-Weed-dating-Speed-dating-for-singles-moves-to-the-farm-field

Please note that the woman featured in the picture at the top of the article actually came from Northampton, MA to do this. Ah the little coincidences of life.


"In this Vermont-born spin on speed dating, participants would meet in pairs for timed periods of seven minutes before moving on to their next pairing. However, these brief encounters would not take place across a table in a dark bar or restaurant, as speed dating typically does, but instead across a row of leeks, which they would weed as they chatted."

So, while I spend 8 hours a day bent over with my hands in the dirt, I'm usually whining to a fellow coworker or groaning to myself. These people choose to do it in a "romantic" setting for fun. Crazy. I mean, to be honest, I can see how it would be nice. Generally I enjoy being outside and I still find enjoyment in playing in the mud. Especially on my own time, as opposed to being forced to weed endless rows of strawberries over and over and over again. And I mean, maybe they can discuss the texture and quality of the soil or a recipe for leek soup if the conversation lacks for their 7 minutes? It would also be a hilarious story to tell if you actually met someone and ended up together. Weed dating, really?

Anyway, I of course secretly, and now not so secretly, think this is adorable because it couldn't be any more Vermont. And I love Vermont. Brilliant, I must say, of the farmer who thought of it. Hell yeah you can pay me to weed my leeks and have some possible awkward interactions while doing so, I'd love to watch! Brilliant farmer. Bringing romance to gardening.

Would I weed date? I would try it. And ladies, it's totally cool with me if you want to come chat me up for 7 minutes at a time and help me weed or pick berries at work! Hope to see you there.

Berryhill's Baby

Tis the season for a blueberry drink!
So I'm searching my favorite drink recipe sites for a delicious sounding blueberry drink, when I come across this interesting recipe from Bar None Drinks...

Berryhill's Baby

Drink Type: Cocktail

Ingredients

6 2/3 oz. Dark Rum
1 Kiwi
1 Peach
1 Zinc Tablet
1/3 pound(s) Blueberries

Instructions

Blend until smooth and frappe in an exotic glass.

Sounds pretty good, right? Then I look again... A ZINC TABLET? The kind my dad makes me take when I'm sick? Well, when I make this, I will probably be taking out the tablet, unless I am getting a cold. In which case, power to the healthy drinks! Let's all remember this when we're back at school and sick on a Friday night. NO EXCUSES NOW!

You all lucked out

I've got the day off, so how am I spending my Sunday morning? Laying on the couch with some coffee, relaxing, and of course, thinking about the farm. Damn it. So, I'm thinking about things that bug me, I suppose in order to be able to enjoy the day off more? And I think about the stupid bird call machine in the blueberry plants. We've got this machine in order to ...try...to scare away birds from landing in the bushes and pecking at the berries. It rarely works. Sometimes birds actually perch right next to the noise making machine and sit there contently as it rages on destroying everyone else's peace of mind and sanity. The machine is loud, annoying, and a little terrifying. The bird noises that come out of it bring to mind a fight to the death between gangs of crows with horrible colds that are louder than any bird in the natural world. Occasionally there will be a solo outburst by one of the diseased crows that damages anyone's ear drums within a fifteen foot radius.

Anyway, the point of this post is that I was going to try to find a sound byte (is this the correct term?) on the internet, or like, a youtube video, and post it while somehow tricking you into wanting to watch it. That way, without picking blueberries, one can experience the trials and challenges of being in the field. A good way to start anyone's Sunday morning!