Have you gotten your free toaster?

This morning we are going to discuss the "Toaster" in regards to lesbian community!
As you may or may not have heard of before, the toaster refers to an already experienced woman sleeping with a woman who has never before slept with women. I hope that isn't too confusing. In other words, if Ellen DeGeneres was to sleep with... Laura Bush (assuming Laura has been loyal to her husband and never had a "lesbian thing" in college), then Ellen would get a toaster as a prize!

I've never really known exactly where this saying came from or what it was symbolic of, so I did some research. I kind of always thought of it as, getting a girl's toaster. As if every girl out there had some metaphoric toaster to give away if the opportunity ever presented itself.

However, after doing some research, I've discovered that the saying came about in response to ignorant people who view lesbians as a threat because they are out to "turn" women gay. If only that was possible. Kidding? So, the joke among the gay community was to own the insult and say "yep, we're recruiting, one more and I get a free toaster oven!" The joke was intended to sound ridiculous. I think it succeeded.

I'm just glad the saying isn't actually in reference to something about a vagina looking like a toaster oven. There's also the theory that the toaster symbolizes the change in the bread. Once toasted, the toast cannot go back to being simple bread. I wonder if Smith always has a toaster handy in dining halls so as not to confuse first years into thinking they are supposed to acquire one in another way.

Fun lesbian jokes!

Summer is coming to a close. Yay no more working. Boo school work. Yay G House. Boo leaving Vermont. Lots of stuff to feel, but the cure to any possible sadness? Some lesbian jokes. Duh. I'll even rate them for you in the order that I feel is worst to best.

5) All lesbians eat at the Y!


4) Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to change it, two to organise the potluck, one to write a folk song about the empowering experience and one to set up the support group.

3)Q: What kind of humour do lesbians like?
A: Tongue in cheek.

2) Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
A: Single.

HA


1) One day, a butchie came home and was greeted by her wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want."

So she tied her up and went fishing. BADOOM CHAH!

Welcome!

Absolutely Hilarious

This is real, created by an amusing Swiss condom company!
As you might guess, Warner Brothers is not happy about the dirtying of Harry's precious image. So the company is being sued. By Dumbledore.

End of an Era

Well, work at the berry farm is over. Completed my sixth year, not sure if I will be back next year. Bittersweet. Unlike berries, which are hopefully mostly sweet. Unless they are not ripe enough blueberries in which case they can be extremely bitter and sour. Not highly recommended.
Anyway! Along with ending work at the farm, I also have given up the BlackBerry Storm. Onto the baby Android-- the Ally. Just keeping ya'll posted on what the pictures will be coming from.

Oh, and do not fret, I will still be blogging. Not sure how much I'll be tying in berries, but you know I will somehow.

Ride Recognition

Last night one of my best friends and I went to the county fair to go on rides. Yes, we are 20 year old girls, but really does the excitement of getting an Unlimited Riding bracelet ever get old? Nah. We proved that right last night.

For those of you who do not have the pleasure of living in the country and attending a REAL fair once a year during the summer, I will give you some of the highlights of the magic that is a country fair:

• Greasy fast food: fried dough at it's best, bloomin' onions, candy apples, (real) maple milkshakes, cotton candy, etc.
  
• the classiest people on earth: endless amounts of shirts with wolves on them, ripped camo shorts, mullets, shirtless teenage boys in Carhartts, nearly shirtless pregnant teenage girls, and, of course, plenty of toothless grins
• tractor pulls: yes, this is exactly what it sounds like. which tractor can pull the most.
• Demolition Derby: cars run into each other and try not to explode first
• Karaoke (country themed, usually)
• Looking at animals: my favorite is, of course, the baby animal tent for kids where you can pet lots of baby sheep, cows, goats, pigs, etc. There are also barns and barns of cows. Yup. Have fun imagining that smell.
• Being heckled at by carnies while walking through the game section: make quick, innocent eye contact with one of these fellas and they won't stop yelling at you until you go over to their booth to throw a ball or toss something into a barrel
• And, last but certainly not least- the rides! and the main point of this post...

Fair rides are great, maybe not 100% safe, but you get to spin and be up in the air and it's a grand ol' time. However, as we are realizing, the older you get- the more your body does not necessarily agree with the spinning and the jolting around as it used to. Damn. However, the fair at night is something everyone should experience at some point in their lives. All of the lights from the rides filling the dark air and the scent of grease and dust filling your senses... Ahhhh. So, I am here to give you incentive to suck up the stomach aches and bruises that will inevitably result in going on rides. How, you ask?

Because, fair rides are like sex.

Let's take the Orbiter for example:
Once inside your little pod with a buddy, you start spinning around in circles, around the actual machine. Lots of spinning. Then you are lifted into the air and thrown around in a circle (in a circle, in a circle). The excitement comes from the speed and the feeling that you are going to crash into the ground or be thrown into something nearby before being yanked back to safety and then repeating the feeling.
Anyway, how is this like sex? ...what, sex to all of you isn't being yanked around and thrown into stuff? I kid, I kid. The way rides are like sex, is that there is a nice calm start, an exciting build up, an awesome and intense climax, and then a nice cool down period.
You get strapped into the ride (yes, this was intentional), start spinning slowly, getting a feel for it....then it speeds up, your muscles tighten and you hold on as you are soon going faster and faster until you don't think you can take it any more, when you finally relax and the ride starts to slow down.

Point proven? I think so. See you next year at the fair!

Stuck in my head all day

"And I'll say I ain't do it with my face covered in chocolate"

"Bi Now"

Okay yes I was just on a website looking at gay and lesbian themed T-shirt slogans, no you are not allowed to mock me endlessly for this. It happens.

They were all pretty lame... the usual:
I was gay before it got trendy (true for me)
I can't even think straight (I'll admit I still make this joke way too much)
2QT2BSTR8 (major flashback to angst-ridden-pre-teen-lesbian-novels, ex: Keeping You a Secret)
I put the 'ho' in 'homo' (I obviously think this is funny and would probably wear it to some random Smith party on a good night)
closets are for clothes (not creative, but I support the message)
etc.

However, I did find one amusing or I would not have started to write this post:
"I'm on the bi-now, gay later plan"

Looking back, I am now questioning if it was worth the entire post and the lead up to it, but hey! we got some funny gay slogans out of it, and I still think it's witty. At first I also though it was relevant to the SC lifestyle, but now I'm questioning that also. For some, definitely. For others...it may be more of a Bi-now, gay-later, wait, bi-more-straight-later. Or something. And of course there are always the gay-then-gay-now-gay-later types. And that's all for tonight. Maybe I'll buy a 2QT2BSTR8 bumper sticker for my dad's car tomorrow.