sunny morning reflections

You know those mornings where you wake up and something big happened the night before, maybe even more than one big thing, and you have a few lovely seconds when you first wake of not remembering. You can breathe easily, the morning seems calm, maybe you even smile to yourself because you are cozy underneath blankets and the sun is coming in from outdoors. Sunny mornings are one of the most hopeful parts of life, I believe. Even if one does not take part in the outdoors and its weather, knowing the option of going outside and being warmed by sun makes life seem much less like a prison. Not to say that every other morning feels like a cell, not at all. Mornings, are in fact, like a key handed to a prisoner and the words telling him to get out and use their freedom wisely and beautifully. But there are mornings, like the ones where you wake up from a night of changes, where sunshine does seem, instead, like some sort of ironic promising that whatever happened will work itself out. If one must realize that the changes have their own sort of promise, which is easily one of the hardest parts of life, it must also be realized that if the sun can wake up the world another day, then there is still hope, and there is still beauty to be had. These thoughts are hard to come by, however, when one has woken up from a mess. The moment where you remember exactly what you are waking up from, and what you chose to fall asleep to try to ignore for a few hours, is still a part of your life. The warmth of your blankets slips away quickly, your chest tightens and your breath speeds, and worst all, the sunshine seems daunting and farther away than just outside of your window. And so you lie there. Closing your eyes and running through the events of the past night, the conversations, the way you felt, but already it all seems a little distant. Could have easily just been a dream, you try to find amusement in laughing to yourself. If the morning was rainy, you would feel as though the weather was on your side and it would be much simpler to find comfort in your feelings and to stay safe in them because feeling down, where you cannot fall from any further, is one of the safest places to be in life. The rain or clouds outside would feel like a blanket, tucking you in and justifying your desire to stay in bed and hide from the world just a little while longer. This is the problem with the sun. The sun says the opposite, that in those moments when you first wake up, and you would prefer to be back asleep, warm in dark ignorance for just a while longer, that these are are not truly options at all. And that is the irony of promise of the sun on a morning of remembering and questioning. That the sun will continue go come out and light up a world full of changes and decisions, but most important, people continuing their lives after nights of happenings. Because that is, indeed, the only option for a sunny morning.