Wall Theory

--as heard on Hot Topics with DJ Plaid and DJ Pearlz on WOZQ 91.9--

Here is my latest social theory pertaining to the party scene at Smith and beyond:

WALL THEORY

I can almost guarantee that no lesbian at a house party would be upset if two hot femmes were dancing together. In fact, at least from my point of view, it would be hot. Now, I won't speak for other...soft butches? Ew I had that label, but I don't know what else to call myself right now, but for those of us who enjoy the company of femmier girls than ourselves-- I think it is safe to say that there is enjoyment to take away from watching two femmes dance together.

So, the other night I was hanging with a bro-lesbian of mine at a house party and there were femmes dancing together all around us and getting tons of attention from both the men at the party and the other bro-lesbians. This is all fine and dandy, but I soon made the observation that if she and I were to start dancing together, we would look completely ridiculous. It's true. It isn't sexy if two bros dance together. Well this just wasn't fair. How were we supposed to keep our cool and get the attention of the femme ladies without actually approaching them?

Our solution: The perfect bro-wall-lean and casual chit chat. This is going to be pretty hard to describe in writing without being able to demonstrate, but do not fear- I will try.

Okay, so, grab a bro. Find a wall. Don't be sketchy. If you're sketchy, the whole thing is ruined. Wall theory incorporates both looking chill, while still looking active in your pursuit of hotties. You'll want to be having a conversation with your friend, you should be looking casual, leaning against a wall or table together (I know this sounds a little stupid, but it has been tried and proven, promise). While having your probably pointless conversation, make sure to be looking around the room for any ladies who may be worth your attention. Once you find one, try to get her attention through a quick round of eye contact, but don't appear too interested. Laugh with your bro, check out some other girls, but then look back at the girl in your radar and once again try to catch her attention. On the second or third round of catching her eye, a slight head nod would be appropriate. Eventually, you will want to look like you are completely open to the idea of her coming over to you, but not until she has begun to approach you or has made an effort to begin to dance closer to you with her friends.

The goal of this theory is to have the girl(s) approach you and if you are awesome enough- start dancing with you. Another win of this theory is that it's always fun to dance against a wall. It takes away a lot of the pressure of, you know, having to stand up and keep your balance.

Theory conclusion: if done correctly, two bro lesbians should be able to grab the attention of femmes in a similar way as two femmes dancing with each other at a party.

Try it out, let me know if it works for you.